I am disgusted an unhappy.

Last night I went out to the movies with Jill. It was fun. I ate a shitload of white chocolate and macadamia nut cookies and dr pepper. And chips. And I regretted it last night and this morning.
I had to wake up at 5 am to get ready and go to work with my dad. I woke up on time, alright. I woke up because I barely slept. My stomach didn't let me sleep well. I went to the bathroom to see if I could puke. I wasn't able to. Then I sat down wondering if I could puke it out or whatever for about 20 minutes. I water loaded, and that kinda flushed my system. However...
Today my amazing dad started calling me fat in front of these stupid latinos. They understood. I was telling him to stop it and to tell me later. Fucker... I felt like utter shit. I left without saying bye. I went to the train station and called Mel, the only person whom kinda knows from experience what I felt. However, I wasn't able to talk about it. I hung up and went somewhere where I could be either alone or at a reasonable distance from people.
I hate what I look like. I really do. All that I wish I was... I'm not. And I'm sick of it.
I don't wanna see my dad again. In fact, I don't wanna see everyone. I wish I could just disappear and die alone: a fat happy bastard.

I ran today.

I took it easy. I can't run as last year. And it's cold still, and the wind was against me.
Excuses, excuses.

Wow, it's been over a year...

And what I had done last year is lost. I got to get back in my best shape again, and I have to beat it.
Self consciousness is still big. I've looked at male models and then I see me... I can't find any attractiveness in me. I got to work on that.
I haven't ran lately. The weather's bad, and I've felt like shit due to the stupid event going on and me not being there.
Anyways... It's time to start again.

Tough weather.

I just got back from running. Or well... half-ass-running. Today was a wet day again and the win was blowing against me on the way back. My stomach was fully empty, so my start pace was very slow. I walked a lot... I'm slightly disappointed.
Yesterday's run was a lot better.
Anyways... warmer days will come. I can't wait.
Mau.

Post-class.

I decided I'm not dropping out. I am, however, keeping my distance and always looking out.
My teacher didn't say hi to me. I don't know what the hell is going on, but I know it IS going on. Whatever. I'm there to train. I'm not there to care.
Mau.

Rainy run

I hadn't blogged right after a run in quite a while.
I haven't been too happy lately. In capoeira, I nearly got beat up, and I still don't know what about. It sucks that I have nobody in my family or anyone else close to me that I could talk to about that. I mean, what the hell is it gonna sound like: "mom, i just got beat up, give me the bus pass, i'm going tomorrow."
I ran today, same distance as before. I was proud that I didn't stop a single time on the way there. The way back, however, was more tiring. But it's okay.
I don't know if I'm going to class tonight. I don't know if I'm coming back at all. Fucker, you really stepped over the limit, and, know what? The others noticed.

I don't think I'll work out today.
I'm bruised and don't feel happy about it.
Later.

Exams are done

And last night I went for another first run.
It was cold, but it was okay.
What worries me is that I went to run out of being upset. And that I'm still sick from about... a month ago. I hope it's nothing serious. I hope that it's got nothing to do with me not finishing my antibiotics.
Tonight I should go for another run.
I'm having some other serious problems.
My teacher is gonna be seriously pissed off at me. I can't do our event, and it's, I think, next week. I don't know what to do about it. In addition to that, Williams closed out of nowhere and with no heads up. What the hell am I suppossed to do now. They didn't even give us a heads up to find work, so again I'm unemployed.
And with that, my possibilities of catching up my bills are gone with the wind.

Ah, Mau, what are you doing?

I haven't worked out. I'm stressed with exams. I'll get on the ball as soon as my last exam is done.
Mau.

I feel really fat, to be honest. School will be done in two weeks from now. At least I hope...
I'm scared for my statistics and my electricity class. Shit, I hope it all goes well.
The weather is warming up. I need to run again. As soon as school is done I'm gonna run like hell.
Mau.

Ah, another birthday

My weight is at 104 kilos. Again. I can't wait until school is done. I need to regain my running habits.
Mau.

Mau, run like hell, now that you can.

I haven't uploaded this about... a week ago, exactly.
Antibiotics worked, I'm back in class. Today I surprised myself, though I think I pushed it a bit too much... I kicked Cachoeira. ...again.
Cachoeira, if you ever read this, at this point I'm seriously considering getting you ANOTHER stuffed animal... because that was one serious kick. I'm sorry... xD
I can't wait to see Karim and Pisao.
Karim, you're a really important person to me. You're the only friend I've learned positive things from.
And Pisao, you probably don't remember about one conversation that we had quite a while back, one time that you drove me home. We talked about you having a pizza-delivery job, or something like that, and how you enjoyed driving around and stuff. Ever since then, I realized that you are totally different from what you seemed at first to me. And it made me feel like you're somebody I can trust. And I can't wait until you're back. There's stories to be shared.
I want to run tomorrow. I want to be in my best for when Karim and for when Pisao get back. Pisao... I forget your actual name... BAH I gotta look you up on facebook again.
-Mau!

Mau, you so sick, you so sick

I'm sick.
I started on antibiotics last night. But I still feel like shit. I got work in 3 hours. Fuuuuuck.
Later
Mau.

Ah, challenges...

Yesterday it would have been 5 weeks until our yearly event. I don't know if I'm gonna feel ready for it.
I felt ready once upon a time. LAST year. Last year I was on top of the world, and my teacher bitched at me and said to not think of going to the event unless I could pay for it. I feel like shit still over that. It meant so much to me, and now I'm at the back of the lines.
5 weeks, right after exams. I don't think it's gonna happen.
Mau.

I didn't update this on Monday.
I ended up going to class. My teacher was dead from Capoeira and extensive driving to Michigan on Saturday and Montreal on Sunday. So on Monday he didn't work out, but we did. And I got bloody blisters. I hadn't got those bitches in ages.
Anyways, it was a good workout. Hopefully today will be the same.
-Mau.

Man...

In a month it will be a year since I started this blog.
Still, no views, nothing attractive about it.
Lately I haven't worked out much. I wasn't able to go to class on Wednesday and got called a wuss and a slacker. Saturday class was canceled. Sometimes I think I got what it takes to teach one class, maybe when my teacher, his wife, or his nephew aren't there. But, no, I guess I don't.
Anyways. No class for me until tomorrow, after a miserably long day. Fuck me.
I feel gross. I need to run again. I'm disappointed. I can't wait for warmer days.
On the bright side, I still weigh less than last year. That does make me feel better.
I'm 5 kilos lighter than today a year ago.
-Mau.

"Espantalho stop punching yourself >D"

Today's class was really tough, but I managed.
I used 25pound weights on each arm. And with that I did curls, military presses, and tricep extensions.
Shit was painful.
And I was holding a pad for my teacher, he kicked really hard and made my hand full-punch my mouth.
My lip is slightly swollen still. I'm glad nobody's noticed.
-Mau.

I haven't done any extra curricular workouts lately other than my capoeira class.
I havent weighted myself either. But I feel lighter.
Ah, I want to feel good.
-Mau.

Yesterday I was gonna do weights, but I skipped it because I was really busy. However, last night's class was hard, so I think it evened out.

tuesday night

I didn't work out today: I was out for most of the useful part of the day. It was enjoyable.
Tomorrow I should be doing weights to make up for today.
OH and Karim made it back to Ryerson. I'm very happy he's gonna be back.

Monday night

I just got back from capoeira and drank a serving of whey protein.
Today was a tough class. We did stuff I hadn't ever done before as a form of training: elbowing, knees, tons of straight kicks, sprawls, slaps/punches, fuck. It's harder than it seems. But it was a good work out. I got the chance to explain one of the twins how to elbow targets propperly.
Ah, I'm tired. Tomorrow I should be doing weights. I'm thinking of working weights three days and then cardio two days, according to liam rosen's manual. We'll see where that takes me.

A good start: again.

Hey, Mau here.
So, my winter break started this week.
I wasn't able to go to most of my capoeira class on Saturday. However, right after work, I went there. I warmed up, and played hard. I felt good.
Sunday, I worked. On my way home I saw this woman running in the street... and felt nostalgia.
I felt sad for having lost that which made me feel proud of. That which made me feel strong. That which made me feel like a motherfucking snowplow at full speed.
So I ran.
I ran back to work. Just to mess with them.
I was dying on the bridge, but I kept thinking of... good memories. =]
And I kept saying to myself: "I am a fucking truck. I'm a snowplow. I'm an 18 wheeler."
And I made it there. I sat down at work feeling pretty damn good about myself.
Then, the way back, I made it back. And felt awesome.
Today, I ran again. I did a small circuit. I don't know how long I took this morning, but it was alright.
Tonight I have capoeira. I feel light. I think it's gonna be a good class.
Also, a good gift from /fit/izens:
http://www.liamrosen.com/

Later!

Oh Wednesday, you so crazy, you.

Today was my only chance of going to Toronto to leave an impression on my teacher's teacher. I wasn't able to go and got shit for it, like always.
I'm really not happy with the way I've become lately. I need to change again.

Pissed at myself.

I've gained weight in the past weeks during midterms. It's pissing me the fuck off. I hate being in the environment in which I am: one pound makes a difference, being light means being fast and strong, fuck. It's just like women having all markets aiming towards unnaturally skinny women.
The weight I've regained has made me feel short of breath again. It's made my knees hurt again.
Motherfucker...

Horrible, just, horrible.

Hey, Mau here.
I haven't been able to keep with the blog lately. School is building up, and I haven't had even time to work out.
I skipped class on monday and wednesday (I think, can't remember) and I will have to skip tonight.
Last night I only got less than an hour of sleep.
And I have a midterm today. We'll see how that goes.
Mau

Tuesday night

Today was a pretty long day. Technically it's shorter than Monday, but it feels just the same. I was done school at 6, and didn't have time to eat breakfast, and I didn't eat well throughout the day.
And my stomach hurts. It sucks.
I hope I get to work out tomorrow.

Busted shoulder, I guess.

My shoulder hurts. I didn't train today. I have two midterms this week and I got tons of stuff to catch up on.
Later

supersize me

I just watched that documental.
I'm not eating McDonalds in quite a while.

I need to change my body schedule. That's one of the reasons why I feel tired all the time. My body schedule has been fucked for quite a while.

Haven't blogged in a few days

I'm doing okay, ish. I have been eating really poorly lately, but it's gonna change back tomorrow.
Today's class was rather easy. It bothered me a bit. Now that I recall, we didn't run for warm-up. It sucks.
Anyways, I tried my best at whatever we did today. Speaking of which, I can do a handless cartwheel (au sem mao) completely off the floor. I'm proud. The old me is getting back.
Later!